I Love You
by xsufferxbitchx
Summary: This time it was different, and they both knew it.
1. Empty Words

Just me writing this... story. I'm sorry to those of you who are patiently waiting for the next installment of Only In My Dreams, I'm having writers block, I have half a chapter written. If I'm really pissing you off, then email me, I accept thoughts and ideas happily.

As for this story, it's a bit... different then what I normally write, so I would like your opinion about it. It is quite a bit into the M rating though, so be warned... And don't be to pissed about the sex, those scenes are not my forte.

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'I Love You'  
By MhBtMs 

She doesn't know when this started. All she knows is that knocking on his door at one in the morning is becoming a bad habit, and she really shouldn't be doing it. He doesn't seem at all surprised when he opens the door to see her standing there, wrapped in a long black coat. He never seems surprised anymore.

But this time is different, they both know it. This time, when he extends his hand, her cheeks flush a brilliant shade of red, and she sits on the couch, still wrapped in her coat. For a minute, he does nothing. He just stares at her hair, and how beautiful it looks in the moonlight streaming through his window. Then, he sits next to her, leather of the couch creaking slightly underneath him.

Tears. That's the first thing he notices when she looks into his eyes. No one can make this woman cry, no one, and it scares him that she is. Without a word, his hands move to the buttons on her coat, slowly exposing the clothing underneath. As he slides the coat off her arms, he can't suppress the horrified gasp at what he sees.

Bruises. Big, ugly bruises all over her pale skin, hand shaped in many places. He wants to know who did this, but he can't bring himself to ask. He chokes back a sob, and pulls her to him, offering her the only thing he can. And she accepts, standing with him, and following him willingly to his bed.

She can sense his fear, he apprehension. She directs his hands to the hem of her shirt.

He looks uncertainly at her face, asking permission to do something he's done many, many times. And at her nod, he slowly pulls the shirt over her head, shuddering at what he sees.

She looks like a punching bag, with her stomach so black and blue. He can't believe that someone did this to her. Tracing small circles gently over the bruised flesh, he thinks of nothing but pain. Pain and suffering that will befall the man that did this to her.

She allows him a few moments of thought before gently moving his hands to her bra. Sadly, he looks into her eyes. For the first time she speaks, " Please, just help me forget. You're the only who can help me forget…"

Tenderness fills every touch as he removes the rest of her clothing, and he is gentler still when he slides her onto his bed. He doesn't remove his own clothing, he just wants to help her.

He climbs onto the bed, straddling her hips. With deep care and affection, he kisses her. Soft, small kisses at first, but then they become deep and needy as her desire grows. He moves his lips to a spot just underneath her left ear, and she goes rigid for a moment, until a small moan escapes her swollen lips. His trail of kisses goes begins to move, softly down the valley in between her breasts, gently across her bruised stomach, stopping for a moment to dip into her navel, then he stops. He stops and looks into her heavy lidded eyes, he can't do it unless she says it _now_.

"Say it. Tell me to do it or I can't. I don't want to be like…" he stops himself before he goes to far and says, 'I don't want to be like him, whoever he is that did these things to you.'

"Yes, please, I need you to."

That is all he needs, and his head dips, disappearing in between her thighs. At first, he can feel how tense she becomes, but slowly she relaxes under his touch.

He has a steady rhythm as he works his tongue; in, out, in, out, in, out. He can hear her panting now, and with her small moans of encouragement, he moves his mouth up ever so slightly, and lets his fingers take over.

She can feel what she wants approaching fast, thanks to his expert touch. And suddenly it seems that much closer as he begins to hum against her sensitive flesh. Her hips begin to buck into him, and he moves his mouth and fingers faster still. And as she reaches oblivion, she cries what he has longed to hear since the day they met, " I love you, Toby."

Her words surprise him, and he sits back, allowing her to ride the last waves of pleasure before she comes back to reality. He can't help but smile at the look she get after a high like that, and he crawls, still fully dressed, to lay beside her.

When she gains enough strength, she moves to curl against him, but hisses in pain. So instead, she moves as close to him as she can while lying on her back, and shivers. He gently pulls the covers out from under them, and wraps them up in a warm cocoon, their own little world. And in the shelter of their world, he can finally say it, "I love you too, Claudia Jean."

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A/N- I hope you enjoyed it. I was planning to write another chapter, so don't hurt me. I like feedback though... so if you want to know what happens I might advise you to say so...  



	2. I Really Do Love You

Wow... I hadn't thought it would take this long to write this, and I'm not even done yet! I'm so impressed with myself, I'll say it backwards, Wow. Anyway, this chapter has a more T rating, or PG-13, whatever.

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In the morning he wakes to the feel of a warm body next to his, and temporarily, he panics. But then he remembers her, and what had happened. 

His eyes snap open, and he turns to look at her peacefully sleeping form. As he carefully scrutinizes her, he notices that the bruises have become darker and her tender flesh is swollen.

Quietly, he slips from the warmth of the bed to go get something to stop her skin from swelling any more, and as a second thought he heads to the bathroom to find some aspirin. As he rummages through the mess he calls a medicine cabinet, she screams. Her screams are so loud and so frightened that he fears the neighbors might call the police, but he also fears for her.

Dropping everything, he races to the bedroom. When he skids to a halt next to the bed, he reaches out a trembling hand to still her, and his voice is quiet but firm as he pleads, "CJ. CJ please wake up. It's a dream, wake up, please. Oh, CJ, please."

It takes a moment, but suddenly she sits bolt upright in bed, eyes wide open. Frantically, she scans the room, until the only thing she hasn't looked at is the man standing in front of her wearing a look of deep concern. When she finally meets his gaze, he could almost feel her fear in the look she was giving him. He sits behind her, and gently wraps his arms around her comfortingly. She leans back in his arms until her head is resting against his shoulder, and she gazes up at him through the tears silently falling out of her eyes. He gently smiles down at her, slowly leaning down to kiss away each tear. And as he pulls away, he realizes something. Something he'd said, but never meant before. Something he should have known before but was blind to it, but now…

Now, in this moment it came to him, with blinding clarity. He was in love with CJ Cregg. His best friend, his confidant, his anchor, his drinking buddy, his lover, his everything. He was in love with CJ Cregg, and she needed him. Needed him to be the man that was her lover, not her big brother.

His voice is soft and hesitant as he says, "CJ… If you need to talk, I'll listen."

She stares up at him from his shoulder for a moment, then she quietly asks, "Y-you mean it?"

"CJ… When I say something, something to you anyway, I mean it."

She looks at him for a second, then adjusts herself ever so slightly. As she begins to speak, her voice is timid, "Toby… I-I don't know where to start…"

He presses his face close to her hair to inhale her scent, and murmurs, "Say what you need to, sweetheart. I don't care where you start."

If she heard the pet name, she didn't show it. She took a deep breath, and began to speak, "Well, you know I left work early last night, right? I left at five. I went out on a date. Dinner was nice, at a good restaurant. But after," he feels her body quake against him, but she move on, "After dinner, he pushed me up against a wall in an alley. He said that he wanted me, needed me right there. And I said no, so he tried to take what he wanted. He- he grabbed my… my breasts and he… he touched my- my, Oh god Toby! He touched my-"

She began to sob, body clenching in pain, both physical and emotional. Gently, he slid out form behind her to retrieve the aspirin from the bathroom.

"D-don't leave! P-please don't! I'm s-"

He quickly turns around, "CJ, I'll be right back. I won't leave you, ever. I promise."

Moving swiftly, he goes to the bathroom to grab the aspirin, and wet the wash cloth again. He grins at her as he returns, "See? Never even knew I was gone… Here, take these."

Mindful of her bruises, he climbs into the bed, behind her again. Gently, he places the cloth against her stomach where the worst of the bruising is. She sighs, and leans back against him, quietly asking, "So I don't disgust you?"

He's careful not to let the surprise show as he replies, "No. What he did to you wasn't right, and you didn't want it… Did he manage to…?"

She sits in puzzled silence until she understands what he's asking, "No… almost… but no."

They sit together quietly for a few minutes until he can't take it. He needs to know. "CJ… Who- who did this to you?"

Her entire body tenses against him, "Why?"

He caresses her for a moment before responding, "So I can go kill him."

She tips her head to look at him, "Why?"

"Because I don't want him to do that to you ever again… Because I- I love you."

A blank stare greets him. She's known that they were close. And she's only ever heard him say that when they… they what? Had s-… No… When they made love. Oh god. Suddenly she realizes that maybe, just maybe, those words uttered out of habit really meant something. Maybe he meant that he loves her like _in love_, loves her, not just the brotherly love and sisterly love they had shared for all these years. And maybe, she loved him back. "You love me?"

"Yes."

"You're in love with me?"

"Yes. And your avoiding my question."

"I think I'm in love with you too, Toby."

"You still haven't answered my… You _think_ you're in love with me too?"

She smiled, all the pain of the past night forgotten at the look on Toby's face, "Yes. In fact, I'm almost certain I'm in love with you."

"If you're in love with me then, please tell me who did this."

Tears welled in her eyes, pain rushing back into her, "I can't Toby… But think about it, think about it and it'll come to you."

He looks at her for a moment, puzzled. After a few minutes a look of horrified realization appears on his face, "You don't… you can't mean… Leo did this to you?"

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Unexpected turn there! Anyway, please R&R for me, I was thinking I would go on, but you never know... 


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